It’s hard to miss the ongoing defamation case between former celebrity couple Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. In the largely televised trial, Depp is suing Heard for $50 million, based on an open editorial she wrote in The Washington Post. The op-ed alludes to Heard being an abuse survivor with allusions to Depp as the perpetrator.
The trial is everywhere–plastered across newspaper headlines and tabloids alike. It has all begun to feel more like a soap opera than real-life events. Onlookers have become rather vocal about their opinions on both celebrities, the events that occurred, and what might happen next. Social media channels are flooded with memes minimizing the alleged abuses, adding to the surrealness of it all.
However, this is not a topic that should be taken lightly. At its core, the Depp v. Heard case is about the complexities of domestic abuse and violence between intimate partners. What makes this particular instance even more complicated is that it’s playing out before us in glaring, public detail.
The private pain of domestic abuse
None of us can know what goes on behind our neighbor’s closed doors. Private life is just that–private. The pain of abuse and the desire to keep events quiet is something with which many victims struggle. Survivors may not have a network they can reach out to for help or support. Or, they may worry that if they do speak out, they may be demonized or even punished instead of helped.
This is all too evident with Heard and Depp. In just one example: You may have seen the video clip of Johnny Depp and Dakota Jonhson during a press junket for their film “Black Mass” back in 2015. Johnson tries to ask Depp about his visibly injured finger, and he is seen deflecting with a joke and a happy face.
Beyond bias and stereotypes
Although it is difficult not to, it’s best to refrain from casting judgment regarding who is the victim and who is the aggressor in any instance of domestic abuse. It’s hard to not side with the more likable of these two personalities, or immediately believe the woman is the victim.
National Public Radio’s Adrian Florido recently spoke with Kellie Lynch, who researches intimate partner and domestic violence. Their discussion is interesting in that it spotlights how this may be an example of a less black-and-white, or stereotypical abusive relationship. Instead, this more likely is an illustration of bidirectional violence and abuse, or, ”the mutual engagement in violence by both intimate partners,” as the National Institutes of Health defines.
It’s a reminder that not only women are victims, and not only men are abusers. Both men and women may be perpetrators or victims of violence—and in some relationships, even those roles may flip-flop from episode to episode.
Another consideration in domestic violence, and an added layer of complexity, occurs when violence may be a result of self-defense or a victim lashing out at their abuser. It is a possibility that someone could be physically violent in a relationship—but not necessarily the abuser.
This is why it is so important for us to not point fingers. There are indeed double standards and biases to be considered—and a variety of ways in which behavior could be interpreted. It is complicated, confusing, and scary.
“One thing that’s caught my attention, and it seems to be being picked up a lot, is this idea of throwing around terms of abuse and abusers versus violence,” points out Lynch. This builds off of that bias that there is a distinct abuser and victim in every scenario of domestic abuse. And, the violence we think of as intentional harm towards the other that may or may not be abusive. There might be bidirectional violence or both parties may be violent towards one another.
Building awareness and support
Whether or not we relate to Heard or Depp as survivors of assault doesn’t mean that they aren’t telling the truth. Liking or disliking Heard or Depp is ultimately irrelevant. By holding the line, and not participating in the degradation of this case and its participants through memes and jokes that trivialize domestic violence, we can help to build awareness and support.
Remember that this isn’t a TV show or movie. For survivors of domestic violence, this can be very triggering—particularly with so many people publicly discounting or joking about these events and the celebrities involved.
“Any time you have men versus women, you might see double standards. You might see biases. You’re going to see, definitely, differences in how behavior is interpreted,” Lynch shared with NPR.
This is a dangerous time for domestic violence–there are so many people mocking victims sharing accounts of physical, psychological, and sexual assault. Millions of men and women have shared similar experiences to the ones they’ve both described. According to recent data from CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 10 men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime. As all of these men and women are watching, they’re also carefully listening and waiting to see how these victims’ stories will be received and if their voices will finally be heard.
If you’re a survivor of sexual assault, know you’re not alone. Please know there is confidential support available through the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network’s 24/7 toll-free support line (800-656-4673) or through its online hotline. I also invite you to connect with me personally: Jakia@jmlindley.com.